'Twas the night before Jude's surgery....

...And these are some of my thoughts.

I'm freaking out, I have been for weeks but I haven't showed it much. I actually have been trying to suppress all emotions around people, it's crazy weird. I know everything will most likely go great,

and that it's for the better but part of me is freaked out by the fact that my baby has to have surgery, especially since I've never had surgery, aside from the c-section. It's also weird that he'll look completely different after tomorrow. I know he won't be a different person,

but he'll look different and that makes me kind of sad. Getting his skin tags removed makes me feel hypocritical too. I'll miss his adorable little cheeky nipples.

Since we have to be there at 6 & his surgery's at 7:30 he's not allowed to eat after midnight but he can have pedialyte or water until 4:30. Which means when he wakes up looking to eat at 3 I have to try to give him that. That's going to be a challenge since he won't take a bottle at all. I thought about trying to just cuddle him back to sleep, but I think it will be better to try to get something into his stomach.

I'm also upset about Chris, he's all talk and no walk and it's annoying, but that really has nothing to do with anything and I know if I talk or think about it more I'll just think of more things and it will be catastrophic.

3 months!

It seems so surreal that I have a 3 month old baby. It's odd to say and think about really. I think it's because recently I've been missing my old care-free ways a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I love Jude, and my life with him in it but I think about a year ago and everything was completely different. It's strange how much can change in so short a time.

Like just in this past month a ton has changed. Jude babbles a lot. He has also started chewing on everything he can find. He'll pick up toys and nom on them. He blows spit bubbles like it's his job. He's a chunker too, he has the arm equivalent to cankles, it's adorable.

There was also his first Halloween. We didn't do anything exciting. He wore his

skeleton pajamas all day and watched me make pumpkin lasagna and watched Sydney get zombified for the night. We passed out candy too, but we only got like 20-30 kids, if that. Our neighborhood is lame at Halloween time, it makes me sad because I love Halloween. I took a bunch of Halloween/October pictures of him to make a first Halloween scrapbook with such obligatory shots as him sleeping at the cider mill, him with Sydney getting her costume ready, us being awesome and matching, him watching everyone carve pumpkins, and him with the Jude sized pumpkin I carved for him. Yup, I'm sweet.

Also in October he saw an eye doctor, because of the fused suture they wanted to get a baseline there and make sure his eyesight wasn't being affected by it. It's not, he can see. Have you ever seen someone try to do an eye test on a 2.5 month old though? It's ridiculous especially since there are so many more fascinating, shiny things for a baby to look at in the office than the doctor and the toys he's supposed to look at.

I finally got a call from the plastic surgeon's office with a date for his cvr! February 9th. When he's 6 months exactly.

His skin tag removal is in 2 weeks, and I'm honestly kind of more nervous about this one than the other for some reason. I can't explain it, I just am. Maybe it's because I think his skin tags are adorable and don't want him to change drastically.

The friendship Chris and I were working on? Progressed into a talk about slowly maybe getting back together which then progressed into going out on a date. It was a real date too, a first for me actually... I'm on the fence about the whole thing though. I have my doubts and I have my dreams about the whole thing. Who knows what will happen though.