Christmas talk

I'm 98% certain Jude has night terrors. :( He's been almost consistently screaming but not entirely waking up at about the same time almost every night for a few weeks. It doesn't matter if I'm holding him, sleeping with him, or he's in his crib while he sleeps, he still does it. He doesn't even wake up, he just screams and it takes a while to calm him down and usually the only thing that helps is nursing him. It's kind of scary and makes me worried. I just scoured through my parenting books and there's nothing on the topic so I hit the Google machine, and this is the most cohesive thing I found. I'm going to mention it to his doctor when he goes again, which won't be until after his surgery, if it's still happening but it doesn't seem like there's much that can be done about it aside from comforting him back to sleep.

Christmas was good. We got a Wii from my grandma, which means my family has officially joined the 21st century, at last. Up until last year we still had dial-up internet and never had cable. My parents also got a flat screen TV for the whole family to share. They got me a TomTom GPS because of the time I ended up in Lansing on my way up north >.< and a video camera. I can't use the software that came with my camera though apparently. It won't work on the family desktop for some reason and I can't get it to work on my laptop. I was at least able to save the files and upload them to YouTube. Here's a video of Jude on my mum's lap. I can swivel the screen 180º so I pointed it at Jude while I was filming and he was laughing at "the other baby" on the screen.


Jude got tons of toys for Christmas of course. I'm still in the process of cleaning and finding homes for everything, it's going to take weeks most likely. He's rather clingy and it seems like I can only put him down for 10 minutes at a time, if that.

I have tons of pictures from Christmas to upload of course, I just haven't gotten around to it. I will eventually, have no fear.

Christmas time is here!

I'll make sure to post all about all the festivities when they're over.
Merry Christmas everyone!

Surgery, Thanksgiving, 4 months, etc.

First and foremost, Jude is 4 months as of yesterday. He hasn't really reached any new milestones, but his skills are definitely improving. He knows that he's grabbing things and how to do it. He investigates things more with his hands, and his mouth. He babbles and laughs almost all the time. I haven't really put him on a schedule, but he has seemed to form one, or something like one on his own. He can sit up, but not quite on his own yet, he's a little wobbly still. He loves to stand when I hold him up. He also loves to look at himself in the mirror, I have a little narcissist on my hands. He has rolled over on his own, but he doesn't do it often for whatever reason. All in due time I reckon.

His surgery went well. He was confused afterwards and cranky unless I was holding and rocking him. He was really upset when I put him down to get him dressed to go home. I distracted myself by making my parents & Chris play hangman with me while he was in surgery. His bandages finally all fell off last week and there's some scars, but the doctors gave me a silicone gel to make them better. He was drugged up, cranky, and groggy for a day or two after. The day after he fell asleep on the floor while playing, twice. The morning of he was surprisingly happy considering he wasn't allowed to eat. He also didn't wake up in the middle of the night to eat like he normally does so it worked out pretty well.

Playing at 5 am before we left for the hospital.

Post-op.

Home from the hospital.

The day after.

Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving. We spent it at my grandma's house. I cooked some things that everyone loved. I've been so domestic lately, it's odd. And now Christmas is approaching rapidly. Eeeks.

'Twas the night before Jude's surgery....

...And these are some of my thoughts.

I'm freaking out, I have been for weeks but I haven't showed it much. I actually have been trying to suppress all emotions around people, it's crazy weird. I know everything will most likely go great,

and that it's for the better but part of me is freaked out by the fact that my baby has to have surgery, especially since I've never had surgery, aside from the c-section. It's also weird that he'll look completely different after tomorrow. I know he won't be a different person,

but he'll look different and that makes me kind of sad. Getting his skin tags removed makes me feel hypocritical too. I'll miss his adorable little cheeky nipples.

Since we have to be there at 6 & his surgery's at 7:30 he's not allowed to eat after midnight but he can have pedialyte or water until 4:30. Which means when he wakes up looking to eat at 3 I have to try to give him that. That's going to be a challenge since he won't take a bottle at all. I thought about trying to just cuddle him back to sleep, but I think it will be better to try to get something into his stomach.

I'm also upset about Chris, he's all talk and no walk and it's annoying, but that really has nothing to do with anything and I know if I talk or think about it more I'll just think of more things and it will be catastrophic.

3 months!

It seems so surreal that I have a 3 month old baby. It's odd to say and think about really. I think it's because recently I've been missing my old care-free ways a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I love Jude, and my life with him in it but I think about a year ago and everything was completely different. It's strange how much can change in so short a time.

Like just in this past month a ton has changed. Jude babbles a lot. He has also started chewing on everything he can find. He'll pick up toys and nom on them. He blows spit bubbles like it's his job. He's a chunker too, he has the arm equivalent to cankles, it's adorable.

There was also his first Halloween. We didn't do anything exciting. He wore his

skeleton pajamas all day and watched me make pumpkin lasagna and watched Sydney get zombified for the night. We passed out candy too, but we only got like 20-30 kids, if that. Our neighborhood is lame at Halloween time, it makes me sad because I love Halloween. I took a bunch of Halloween/October pictures of him to make a first Halloween scrapbook with such obligatory shots as him sleeping at the cider mill, him with Sydney getting her costume ready, us being awesome and matching, him watching everyone carve pumpkins, and him with the Jude sized pumpkin I carved for him. Yup, I'm sweet.

Also in October he saw an eye doctor, because of the fused suture they wanted to get a baseline there and make sure his eyesight wasn't being affected by it. It's not, he can see. Have you ever seen someone try to do an eye test on a 2.5 month old though? It's ridiculous especially since there are so many more fascinating, shiny things for a baby to look at in the office than the doctor and the toys he's supposed to look at.

I finally got a call from the plastic surgeon's office with a date for his cvr! February 9th. When he's 6 months exactly.

His skin tag removal is in 2 weeks, and I'm honestly kind of more nervous about this one than the other for some reason. I can't explain it, I just am. Maybe it's because I think his skin tags are adorable and don't want him to change drastically.

The friendship Chris and I were working on? Progressed into a talk about slowly maybe getting back together which then progressed into going out on a date. It was a real date too, a first for me actually... I'm on the fence about the whole thing though. I have my doubts and I have my dreams about the whole thing. Who knows what will happen though.

2 months!

That's right, Jude is 2 months old!!!

Milestones:

-Coos, grunts, squeals.

-Smiles & laughs.

-Holds his head up more frequently.

-Blows spit bubbles.

-Lots of wiggly movements.

-Can grab things when they're placed in his hand.

-Follows moving objects with his eyes.

Those are the only ones I can think of right now, there may be more.

Thursday after his kidney ultrasound I took him to JC Penney to get his portraits taken. He didn't want to wake up for the photographer so there are lots of sleepy ones and some grumpy face ones, it was funny. These are the ones I ordered prints of:

Another big thing, Chris & I are working on a friendship. We texted a bit earlier in the week and made dinner plans for Thursday (which half blew up in my face, but that's a different story for a different place). I ended up not babysitting Wednesday night so I decided to go out to Starbucks with him so just the 2 of us could talk. We ironed some things out & it looks like things are looking up in that department. He came over for a few hours Thursday evening to spend time with Jude & have dinner with my family. It was a pretty good time. :)

Hopefully the betterness sticks.

Jude's first trip to the cottage.

As you know from my last update, I took Jude up north to my grandparents cottage on Lake Huron, just north of Oscoda. The drive there would've went smoother if a) I had fed him right before getting on the road (I had to stop fairly soon after getting on the highway) and b) I hadn't missed the exit for US-23 and didn't realize it until I was almost in Lansing. I had to stop 4 times because of those. Twice to feed Jude, once for more gas, and once to figure out how to get to where I needed to be once I was lost (which was fruitless aside from the Coke & cookies I bought from the McD's I stopped at to pee and get directions). I should've arrived at 12 and instead arrived at 1, which isn't too bad considering we didn't leave until about 8:30.

My grandparents, aunt Kathy, uncle Jim & little cousins Nuala, Lena, and Eamon were also up there, and Jude loved the attention from the kids, they would play with him and he would laugh at their funny faces. He was a good, happy baby all weekend, and surprisingly not too clingy on me and he slept really well, I wish he would have kept sleeping that well when we got home, but oh well, I still love him.

Here are some of the pictures from the weekend.

1) Grandma, Jude, Lena, & Eamon. 2) Jude laughing at Lena. 3) I put Jude in his port-a-crib, came back and found Sydney and Jude chilling in bed like this. 4) He's a pirate, fear him. 5) My aunt Julie made a quilt for my grandpa with everyone's hand prints so we added Jude's footprint to it and since there wasn't an extra empty square, we put him onto mine. 6) Eamon holding Jude. 7) Jude's 1st beach picture. It was about a quarter to seven and he didn't go back to sleep like normal so we took a walk down to the beach before sunrise, he was wrapped cozy and tight in 2 blankets and fell asleep, I got cold so we didn't stay to watch the sun rise. 8) He enjoyed Sydney's homework less than she did. 9) Us on the beach. 10) The kids.

Also, like my new layout. I made it purrty and made the banner myself. :D

Tomorrow night I start watching Haley for Lisa, a pretty awesome family friend. Since I can't get a job because of Jude's upcoming surgeries and her husband is in New Mexico for border patrol training we're helping each other out basically.

2 weeks of stuff

Time to backtrack since I have 2 weeks worth of updating.

Jude had a weight check-up with the pediatrician on the 10th, he gained over a pound & weighed 9 lbs, 10 oz. He's growing so fast and getting chunky.

Jude had his hearing test & CT Scan the 11th. His hearing test was scheduled for 10:15, the CT for 11:45, the radiologists had requested that I didn't feed him after 9:30. That would have worked fine to get the hearing test that required him to be quiet and still if they didn't have us waiting in the waiting area for so long. He woke up and was pissed as soon as we got back into the room so the lady doing it suggested we go do the CT and come back to do the hearing test while he was sleeping after that. The reason they asked for him to not eat presumably was in case they had to administer anesthesia in order to put him to sleep to stay still for the scan. We ended up back in there and they really didn't want to anesthetize him because it is such a short scan and at this point, he's screaming bloody murder so they ask if he'll take a pacifier, which he normally doesn't. So they started to prepare a pacifier dipped in sugar water to see if he'd take that and relax or sleep. They had me lay him down on the scanner table while they were doing that and he fell asleep as soon as I lay him down. We were all baffled by it. They did the scan and since my mum's a CT scanner at a different DMC hospital she had some sweet connections and we got to see his 3D facial reconstruction and everyone talked about how cute he is. We also got the images on a CD for when we go get a second opinion. We went back upstairs for the hearing test while he was sleeping and since he could eat and he was pretty good through it, he woke up during the first part, but we were able to give him a bottle through it to keep him cooperative. He can hear, which we didn't doubt, the surgeon ordered it just to be sure.

Later that night we took him out on the town to the salon for my mum & I to get our hair cut, then a brewery for dinner, and then an old family friend's art gallery opening. He totally dug it all, he loves to look around at things and is so amazed by new things so none of that was too stressful for him, but he did sleep all weekend after, processing all the new things.

A week passed by and then we met with the plastic surgeon again on the 18th and the information she gave us was a bit overwhelming, but it would have been more overwhelming if we hadn't done our research on craniosynostosis. She told us that the suture is definitely fused and showed us his scan, then she proceeded to tell us how treatment was going to go. It came quickly, my mum almost cried. Basically she said that he won't have surgery until he's 6 months old and she outlined the basics of the procedure. She also gave me scripts to see a neurosurgeon, ophthalmologist, and to have an abdominal ultrasound to check his kidneys because the skin tags can also sometimes be indicative of not fully formed kidneys. He's still getting the tags removed in November though, just to get it out of the way and because it's a relatively minor surgery.

I decided that he looks a bit like a Klingon because of his pointy forehead and the wrinkles. When I say it I mean it in a nice, cute way, not a mean making fun of way but my dad likes to make fun of him.

I tried to get ahold of Chris because of all this so we can get together (his family and mine) and talk about this, child support, him being on the birth certificate, involvement, etc. He kept blowing off my calls/texts and when he did reply about getting together a certain day he ended up changing plans at the last minute with one excuse or another. It's bullshit. I'm pissed that he gave me so much shit about wanting to be involved and around a lot but is now doing this. Before I contacted him last weekend, I hadn't heard from him for over a month. The last time I heard from him was right after my birthday. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if he hadn't given me all the shit about wanting to be around and saying he'd be around no matter what and telling everyone else he was going to. He got defensive, and some of my friends got defensive about him with me and I really didn't appreciate it because no one seemed to understand the situation and what he was really doing. What makes it even worse is that him and his parents came to the hospital the night Jude was born because it really did ruin a lot of moments and happy times for me, again, I wouldn't be so upset about it if he actually was around.

Other than all that nonsense, we're doing great. He's all sorts of adorable still and has started smiling and cooing all the time, he even laughs sometimes. It's really funny because he laughs at my sister a lot, probably because we make fun of her and he's catching on. I was going to take him to JC Penney to get some portraits done this weekend, but I decided to reschedule it for October 8th because he will be 2 months and he'll probably smile more easily at cues, either way, these pictures will be super cute, dammit.

This weekend I'm taking him up north to my grandparents cottage on Lake Huron. It will be an adventure, making that 4 hour drive with him and my sister and just being up there with my aunt and cousins and grandparents. Even though I'm not leaving for another 10 hours or so I should probably start packing, I need to disassemble the pack&play, pack clothes for both of us, figure out how to make diapering work up there (I'm thinking I'll pack all of our cloth diapers, the dirty diaper bag without the dirty diapers from today (I'll put those in a plastic bag in the diaper bin for now), and take some disposables for just in case I go through all of the cloth ones, which I shouldn't, but better safe than sorry, or I can pack the Gerber ones, which I'd rather not especially since that's what he'll be in for the drive back and those won't cut it), all while taking care of him, doing housework, and not forgetting to eat, which reminds me, I need more breakfast than just that yogurt I had when I woke up 2 hours ago. I have a feeling I'm going to need at least 2 duffle bags just for this short trip...

I ordered this yesterday and I can't wait to get it! Both the slings I had gotten were too small for me. :/

Well, that's the past 2 weeks for you, I'll try to update more frequently so I'm not just dumping tons of stuff on here. Here's a happy, smiley baby to make up for it.

I lost the words.

I know what I need to update about, I just lost the words as soon as I went to do it. I'm pooped, Jude didn't sleep today, he screamed for hours when it came to be bed time, and just went down not too long ago.

Soon I will really update about:

-CT scans.

-Surgeon meetings.

-Piece of shit "fathers".

-My emotions, maybe.

-Everything else.

Since this isn't a real update and you wasted your time with this preview of an update, here's a picture of my Jujuby from today.

I'm going to sleep. Hopefully it will last at least 3 hours. Good night interwebz world.

As if things weren't already hard enough as it is...

Let me start with the good, Jude turned one month yesterday! Exciting, right? I tried to take pictures of him, but he kept being cranky and uncooperative, plus I haven't uploaded the ones I did get onto my computer yet. Here's one I snapped with photo booth on my laptop though, he had just pooped when I took it. The milestones he has already reached are pretty amazing.

-He's very alert.

-He can hold his up very well & for longer periods of time everyday.

-He looks around at everything & I think he actually has favorite things to look at, like the toys on his baby gym, the fish tank, a green kitty rattle, and me of course.

-He sometimes smiles, but he won't do it for the camera, or I'm too slow to catch them because they come and go quickly.

-He can sometimes roll from his tummy to his back.

-I don't think he knows he has feet yet.

-He makes happy little squeaky noises instead of just cranky ones.

I picked up new diapers last weekend! I got the chinese prefolds, I just started using them yesterday because it took me that long to pre-wash them in between all the other laundry loads and Judey cries. So far, so good with these, now I just need to get my order of crunchy clean in the mail.

Now the stressful...

We saw the plastic surgeon last week (I know, I'm late on updating things). She told us that the skin tags by his ear were extra cartilage & were sometimes indicative of the inner ear not forming completely & ordered a formal hearing test to check. She said we would tentatively schedule the tag removal surgery for November. She was also concerned about the wedgedness of his noggin & ordered a CT scan to see if the metopic sutures are fused. After my mum researched it, we determined that he more than likely has craniosynostosis and that's what they're scanning for. It's extremely rare, about one in 2500-3500 children get it. After looking at pictures of kids with it & then looking at Jude's head, there's no doubt in my mind that he has it. He doesn't show most of the common symptoms of it, which is a good sign that we caught it early I guess because it does inhibit brain growth. It would need to be corrected with a surgery that reforms the skull. We go in for his hearing test & CT scan tomorrow morning at children's hospital. We haven't gotten the official word on if he does or does not have this condition quite yet, but I'm bracing myself for he does just given the pointyness of his head. All of this is probably going to delay my getting a job unfortunately. I wouldn't be able to work & cope with a serious baby surgery at the same time. It would mean that his tag removal would be postponed, because there's no way he's going through multiple surgeries before he turns one.

"Don't forget, you were going to love him if he was the one in two-hundred that had Down's Syndrome. This just makes him even more special."- My mum.

A real update now. :)

At Jude's pediatrician appointment last Thursday he had gained over a pound. He's going to be a little chunker butt haha.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with the plastic surgeon at children's hospital to look at his skin tags & I guess make a course of surgical action as to what to do. I'm scared about this whole surgery business. I also kind of love his little cheek nipples & don't want them to remove them, but I know if they don't he'll get super made fun of in school because children are brutally ruthless when it comes to people who are different. Poor Judey-Tuesday. :(

My grandma yelled at me for signing the waiver for the hep b vaccine at the hospital and not planning on getting it at his 2 month appointment. I just see no point in it this early. I finally ordered a copy of Dr. Sears' Vaccine Book to read & research all of the vaccines. I also threw a copy of his Baby Book into my shopping cart.

I found a pair of non-maternity pants that fit me! I should go through the rest of my clothing to see what fits. I already know most of my tops don't fit yet, and I'll kind of be upset if I end up not shrinking down a lot more to fit them because then I'll lose all of my sweet t-shirts. Oh well, I'm over it, if it happens I'll just add them to my sewing bucket and t-shirt quilt.

I started laying Jude on the floor to "play" last week. He loves looking around at everything so I lay him on a blanket on the floor with the activity gym from Ikea to look at the things on it. I'll also set toys near him to look at. He also gets some tummy time and he's getting pretty good with lifting his head, he has really strong neck muscles and fairly good head control already. It's not perfect yet, but it's good. Sometimes, not always, when he's on his tummy he can roll over to his back. No one believes it because he's so young, but I've seen it happen. I've also seen him roll in his sleep. Like one night I woke up and looked at him in his crib and he rolled onto his side, farted loudly like 5 times, then rolled back onto his back. It was one of the funniest things I've seen. Last night he was sleeping in bed with me, I know he fell asleep on his side while nursing, and I pushed him over onto his back, and when I woke up this morning he was on his tummy, with his arms folded under his head all cute and happy looking. I didn't take a picture, but I should have and am upset I didn't, it was adorable. I actually moved him to his crib from there and he was upset about it.

I think I need different cloth diapers. I love them, and I don't think prefolds & covers are a bad system at all, it's just my prefolds are crappy. It's because we got the Gerber ones and I know it. I'm also thinking it's my washing routine so I ordered some Crunchy Clean diaper detergent. Hopefully once I change the washing routine I'll be happier with them. They just don't feel soft enough and make me sad. Trial & error I guess.

I would have never thought I'd be the person I am today. Like my friend Carly asked a few months ago, "what would you have done if I told you in high school that the 2 of us would both be mothers by the time we were 21?" "I would have laughed in your face and told you you were crazy."

A week of Kayleigh & Jude. Part 1.

I decided to start taking pictures of Jude & I everyday for a year with the built-in camera on my laptop. I have no life haha. But instead of posting them here everyday, I decided weekly is a better idea. They're backwards, but oh well.

7/365. 6/365. 5/365. 4/365. 3/365. 2/365. 1/365.

I've been slacking with the updates, but I'm beat so this will be short

Jude had his first real bath on Sunday.

Saturday night he stayed home with my sister while I went out for my friend's bachelorette party.

He's been cranky and clingy lately, but he's still sleeping well at night. He only gets up once.

He's a goofy little thing when he's not grumpy. He likes to look around at everything. He's always trying to look behind him or above him and twists his head all funny. He also makes the most ridiculous noises. He squeaks and makes noises that sound like animals. Sometimes when he nurses he'll do silly things like lap up the milk after it flows out instead of latching on.

Today, we were laying on the couch and I was playing with him, and he latched onto my nose lol.

It's only been a few days and we've already reached milestones!

Yesterday was Jude's first appointment with the pediatrician. He slept the whole time, except for when she was man-handling him, weighing him, and drawing his blood to test for jaundice. He also slept the whole night before, which was nice even though I instinctively woke up every 3 hours to check on him. He also slept while we were at the secretary of state before his appointment to renew my license, in a few short weeks I'll have my grown ups license!
Today, his cord stumpy fell off! I picked him up out of his bouncy chair to lay him down because he fell asleep and when I laid him down it just went pop right off into my hands. Since it fell off I started him on the cloth diapers (it was easier to avoid the cord with newborn 'sposies, plus we were in the hospital for so long and I had tons of free ones). He met his daddy for the first time today too. He was either cranky or sleeping the whole time and I ended up retreating to my room to nurse him the last 45 minutes he was here. I kind of felt bad, but at the same time was glad to get away because it was awkward. I hope for Jude's sake the awkwardness between us will disappear. I know it won't happen anytime soon, but hopefully it will fizzle out.
I was having troubles nursing yesterday, but I solved them today. He wasn't latching on the left side, but I figured out that it was because it was flowing faster than the right. I woke up today and my left boob was 3 times bigger than the right one and hurt and was rock hard so I decided to try pumping to fix the flow and relieve all that pain. My mum told me not to get discouraged if I pumped for 20 minutes and only got half an ounce. I came out 5 minutes later with 2 ounces. I tried to nurse him on that side again and he still wouldn't take so after I finished nursing I pumped it again and got another 2 ounces, but it took longer and was flowing slower than before. Next time I nursed him he latched onto it perfectly (yay!).. Boob: 0, Kayleigh: 1.
Yesterday was a stressful day because I got dumped (via myspace), the boob issue, and I got frustrated with Chris because he's been saying for the past few days that he was going to come visit but then at the last minute decided against it for whatever reason. My mum watched Jude last night through his fussiness so I could get some sleep, that was much needed and appreciated.
I'll upload some more pictures later, my camera cord is MIA and I need a nap.

Jude is here! And this is how...

I started having contractions Friday night at 1 and they were about every 5-10 minutes apart but didn't think too much of them because I went to the doctors that afternoon and he told me my cervix was still closed and that I wasn't going into labor that weekend. I tried to sleep through them and was semi-successful, I fell asleep at 3 and they woke me up at 5:30 but I fell back asleep again until 1 pm. When I woke up I still had them and they were about every 5 minutes, but not anymore painful than the night before so I went about my day and ran some errands. I came home and napped for about 2 hours and got up and ran some more errands and was still having them. I took it easy the rest of the night with the heat pad on my back to control the pain and at about 2:30 Saturday night they got more painful and were consistently every 5 minutes. I tried to sleep through them again with no luck whatsoever but I let my mum sleep and dealt with the pain by myself by switching positions, pacing around the house and I took a shower. At 7:30 Sunday morning I lost my mucous plug and woke my mum up and told her we had to go to the hospital. We got to the hospital at 9, they checked me at 9:30 and I was completely dilated and my bag of waters was bulging but his head was a little high when they check with an ultrasound. All the nurses rushed in to get my IV's running and took me back to my delivery room. I was in a room by 10. My water started dripping on the ride back to the delivery room. All the nurses were impressed because I was still able to laugh and make jokes through all of this and they kept calling me a champ and a rock star.
The on call doctor checked me again when I got settled in the room and my water broke completely while she was checking me. My cervix retracted to a 7 and he was too high up to deliver. Since he was so high up they were concerned about the umbilical cord and put a monitor on his head and his heart rate dropped, they called the anesthesiologist in because they were secretly plotting to take me into an emergency c section right then because they thought the cord collapsed but then his heart rate went back to normal. Not only was he too high up, but also over to the right. They wouldn't let me move from the bed though because they were concerned about the cord falling out before he did so they had me labor in different positions that might have moved him in the bed. They also put a binder around my stomach to try to push him and gave me pitocin to increase my contractions to try to get those to move him. They checked a few times and he still hadn't moved.
At 2 I decided to get an epidural even though I wanted to go completely natural, I got it because I wasn't allowed to move to control my pain, because the pitocin was making the contractions come super fast, and ultimately because I hadn't slept at all and was exhausted and knew I needed some rest before it came time to push. They got that in at 2:30. While they were putting it in my heart rate sky rocketed and they were baffled because the baby wasn't effected by it, I had a high heart rate problem the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy too that was solved a week and a half prior to labor. Not too much later my blood pressure dropped and they were baffled again because the baby still wasn't effected by it and I wasn't showing symptoms of either.
I got checked again at 4pm and he still hadn't moved so the doctor decided at 4:30 that I needed a c section because I had been laboring so long, was completely dilated and still wasn't making any progress. She thought that the baby was possibly too big and stuck to deliver vaginally. They got me into the OR at 5. It was freaky because I was numb and couldn't move anything, it's the only time during the whole labor process that I freaked out, but my mum was by my side the whole time holding my hand and keeping me calm. They pulled him out at 5:31pm and his first cry sounded like a cat. I cried when I heard his first because I was so happy and relieved, I also laughed and told my mum he sounded like a cat and asked if he was cute. The time it took for them to run their tests on him and show him to me felt like it took much longer than the 40 hours of labor. As soon as my mum put him next to my head and I saw him he started looking for the nipple and making sucking motions. She also said the whole time they were doing their stuff he was looking around for me. They put him on me and let me hold him on the ride back to the recovery room and helped me breast feed him as soon as we got into the recovery room and he latched on immediately. I love him more than I ever thought I could or would. He weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz, and was 21.5 inches long. He has a few skin tags by each ear and one on each cheek.

Pictures!
Pre-op:


Post-op:


Random cuteness:

Baby shower pictures, finally.

I finally have a bunch of baby shower pictures from 3 different sources.
I decided to give shutterfly a try and made a photo sharing website.
You can find them all there, plus I'll keep it updated with Jude's pictures when he comes and grows. I'll also occasionally post photo's here, but I figured, why not try this shutterfly thing out, haha.
For your blogger viewing pleasure, here's the last ultrasound pictures from the other week:

They're not very exciting because he's all cramped in there.

Week 38 doctors appointment.

Still no dilation but the cervix is getting softer.
I need to get off my butt and walk. I also bought some raspberry leaf tea last time I was at the grocery store. I'm ready to get this ball rolling and really don't want to go overdue.
Kelsey & my doctor gave me restrictions as to when I can't go into labor. Kelsey said not until Sunday or later because she's moving back to BG tomorrow and will hopefully be able to make it up here. My doctor said not Thursday-Sunday because he has a long weekend vacation.
I finally do feel ready for this to happen. I feel like I've got it all under control and I'm prepared for him stuff-wise and mentally(mostly). I've been trying to remain kind of cocky and nonchalant about the whole thing, especially when people constantly tell me it's going to suck. I just reply with "nah, it won't be that bad, I can handle it" or I think it just to stay positive. I need to get out of my pessimistic thinking, it's no good and it gets me nowhere. Hearing everyone tell me I don't know what's in store and that I can't handle it gets rather dull and annoying, why can't they just help me stay optimistic? jeez.
My bumkins covers came in the mail today! I finally have all my cloth diapering supplies for the first few months. I just need to wash the new covers and extra prefolds that I bought the other night and I'm golden. I feel the need to list everything I have for him just to be sure that I am truly as prepared as I think I am, or find a checklist online and check everything off. Maybe Jude is the best thing that has happened to me and I will get my life in order. I've already made so many changes and sacrifices for the better, why not keep going? Wooo, optimism!
I talked to Chris today for the first time in like 2 months. He said he stopped talking to me because he felt I was unreasonable and impossible to discuss Jude's life and custody issues with merely because I pointed out the laws on the matter to him. Hopefully this time around we can work something out and be civil and cooperate. That was something I told him tonight, that I had plans and everything set and ready to go and that my plans for raising him cannot be changed and that he'd have to mega-cooperate with me if he wanted to be involved. We didn't get into any details, but it will come in due time. I also told him that there will be no joint custody to start off because it's something I feel needs to be worked towards. If we can't cooperate and he can't accomodate to the raising/lifestyle plans I have with a visitation type dealio than I'm not going to feel comfortable or be willing to do joint custody. I was trying my hardest not to be bitchy while I was talking to him. I was with Mike and read him everything that was said and that I replied with to ensure that it wasn't bitchy too.
I want a video camera for when Jude's here so I can make embarassing home videos and record all (or at least most) of his milestones.

Cardiologist appt & ER fun.

I was in the ER until midnight last night.
I saw a cardiologist yesterday afternoon because my heart rate has been rapid for the past few weeks and he sent me to the ER to get an IV of medication to slow my heart rate down. I was alone & didn't want to go to the ER alone so I called my mum and went to my grandma's house to wait for her. I was hungry and my grandma wouldn't let me eat because of fear of what the medication would do to me on a full stomach and my mum was all "they're going to say "let's have a baby"" and freaking me out more than necessary.
As soon as I set foot in the ER everyone swarmed around me and badgered me with questions even though I told them my cardiologist called down there and sent me. "How far are you? Any abdominal or back pain?" I was like "Um, no. My cardiologist called you guys and sent me here and I've had back pain since before I was pregnant." Then they shipped me up to L&D for no real reason where they performed a non-stress test to check on the baby and took me back down to the ER. Then they took an EKG and hooked me up to the monitors and took blood (which I don't know why the cardiologist didn't do in the first place) and did a vasovagal massage. After waiting around in a hospital bed for an hour plus they came back and said my heart was misfiring because my electrolytes, potassium, & magnesium levels were low. So then they gave me 3 huge potassium pills & hooked me up to an IV of magnesium and electrolytes. The magnesium bag was supposed to take an hour but after 55 minutes they realized that they had the other, larger bag dripping into me instead so I had to sit there an extra hour. They sent me home around 11pm with a prescription for magnesium & potassium supplements.
I was angry though because seriously, I could've fixed the problem myself in much less time by giving myself a neck rub & drinking some Gatorade.

Another doctor update and other things.

Everything's measuring perfect still. Jude's still locked & loaded, but still no dilation. I had a final ultrasound to determine his size, he's 6 pounds & 10 ounces already. I may or may not post the pictures, they're kind of boring because he's so big and in the proper position. I just have some of his spine, top of the head, and his giant scrotum, seriously, it's huge, I may scan and post the pictures just because of that, lol. My OB is having me go to a cardiologist because of the rapid heart rate. I hope it's nothing too serious to the point where they have to induce me, that would suck.

I can't believe I'm term! I'm kind of ready to kick him out, but not ready for him to come all at the same time. I think it's just my nerves/anxiety. I just have to constantly remind myself and make others remind me that I can do this and that I'll be excellent at it. Cockiness has kept me positive through this, not going to lie.

I think I have everything ready for him, I just need to finish organizing it and everything. I have all my cloth diapers, newborn diaper covers, snappi's, butt cream, baby bath stuff, clothes, small diaper covers coming in the week, doublers, wipes, disposable diapers for the 1st few days (because of the icky first poops, and because they were given to me by several people), organic laundry detergent, organic fragrance free laundry detergent for the diapers, organic dish soap, all his laundry is done, the bottles & pacifiers (which I may or may not use) are washed, my hospital bag is packed, my diaper bag is packed, the crib is made, and the carseat is in the car.
All that's left that needs to be done is a laundry basket of laundry needs to be put away, all the pictures & decorations need to be hung, and a few more things need to be organized. The die has been cast and my decisions made: no epidural (I hate the thought of a needle in my spinal cord), and no circumcision (it's an unneccesary psychologically & physically harming procedure, plus it's not my penis to make that kind of decision about).

Part of me is wishing Chris would call or message, but part of me is glad he's gone and hopes it stays that way. The part of me that wants to hear from him is brought upon by hearing gossip from Mike about how Tom thinks Chris isn't in the wrong and how Tom yelled at Mike about something regarding the matter. Which I think is stupid of Tom, if he's going to talk to or yell at anyone about that, it should be me, not Mike. Fucking drama. Fucking assholes. I miss my friends until I realize that they are all giant tools.

My last doctor's appointment.

It was last week. I've been failing at updating, sorry, I've been busy trying not to stress out and get everything done before Jude gets here. I've been nesting like a crazy woman for the past week or two, and no matter what I always find more that needs to be done, it feels never ending.
Anyway, on to the point. Last weeks doctor appointment. I'm going to Tarantino this a bit, just a warning. Will went with me. I wasn't dilated yet, but Jude is head down and pretty much locked & loaded ready to go. Everything's measuring peachy like always. I did get my results from the group b strep test though. I'm one of the 20% that has it and get to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics when I'm in labor. woohoo. :|
I mentioned that he had been moving a bit less/slower the day or two before that which I had associated to me being more active from shopping and cleaning like crazy and/or him running out of room. My doctor seemed concerned and had me go to the hospital for a non-stress test. So my anxiety kicked in a little on the way to the hospital, which is out near my grandma's house about 30-45 minutes away from home (quite a drive), and I was glad to have Will with me to keep me from having a full-blown panic attack about it.
We get to the hospital. They check me in and hook me up to the monitors immediately and then they take my vitals. My pulse was outrageously high and they kept checking and re-checking it. It was up in the 140-150's on average. They were puzzled by it. I was trying to stay calm. They said I could be dehydrated, and I told them that's impossible because I drank like 3-4 bottles of water before I went there and I drink like 10 a day. So they got me a giant cup of ice water & kept checking my pulse intermittenly. One nurse said she got a normal reading, another said she got a high reading. I was eventually let go. They told me to bring it to my doctor's attention at my next appointment, which is tomorrow. I've been randomly checking my pulse for the past week just to see if it's still high or not, and it's been up in the 130-140 area sometimes. It's strange, I've never had any problems like this, and my blood pressure is always textbook perfect. I'm hoping it's not too big of a deal and that it won't cause any harm to Jude or cause me to be induced super-early. His heartbeat is good and was good when I was being monitored at the hosptial.
I also had a few small contractions when I was hooked up to the monitor at the hospital, no major ones though, but you could see them on the monitor.

Then I came home. . .
I had called my dad to tell him I was going when I left my doctor's and he asked if he should call my mum or grandma or meet me at the hospital or anything and I told him not to bother because it was just a little test, nothing serious and that Will was with me. He got all pissy at me on the phone about how he shouldn't have been with me and crap and that made my anxiety about the whole thing a bit worse. I called my mum when I left the hospital, and she was overly concerned and "why didn't you call me, I would've left work to take care of you" and I told her it wasn't a big deal and that I didn't need taking care of. Then I was driving home and got a text from my dad after I got off the phone with my mum asking "what's going on?" and I got all snappy and then realized he had sent it 2 hours prior. Then, as he usually does, he sent me a text when I was literally 2 miles away from home asking if I was coming home and I got snappy again because I had just told my mother I was on my way home when I talked to her and it's not like it's a short drive from the hospital.
I get home. I tell my mum what had happened at my appointment and the hospital and my dad only half-listened so I had to re-cap it all for him right after explaining all of it. The worst part that made me angry at first was when I told them about the GBS stuff because they both asked "Who'd you get that from?" I had to explain twice in the span of 5 minutes that it's not an STD and that it was just a bacterial infection a certain amount of people have. After I re-explained it to my father he asked again who I got it from and I got angry.
Then he started badgering me about my relationship with Will because he doesn't approve and he was being an ass about it even though I had just had a stressful day and was worried already about everything else. I got angry and slammed my laptop shut and threw it down and tried to leave, but my mum wouldn't let me. Then she verbally bitch slapped him for being out of line while I cried in my room. Her and I went to Target after that because I had a gift card from my shower and needed a few random baby things. We got home and my dad was still sulky and asshole-like so I grabbed my computer and sat at the table instead of the couch because that's where he was and my mum sat out in the backyard. He went out there and started throwing a tantrum to my mum about Will & I and she told him straight up that he was behaving innapropriately and throwing a temper tantrum and he claimed he wasn't. Then he came inside and started asking me the same questions he had asked me 50 times before and that I had answered already and I told him I didn't feel the need to answer because I had answered 50 times before and because he was throwing a tantrum.
He continued acting like a child and continued being pissy and started making sarcastic asshole comments. I was getting frustrated with him and I was getting angry and he called me out on it after I called him out on his tantrum throwing but I explained to him why I was angry and he was still being pissy and in my face about it. Then him and my mum left to get my sister, which gave me some time to cool down, but not really.

What bothers me the most is the fact that he did that after I had a shitty day and knew it and knew I was already stressed out. I was talking to Zak about it on Thursday or Friday and we both came to the conclusion that it's amazing that I haven't miscarried because of all the stress I've been under during this pregnancy.
Only 23 more days until my due date. It's mind-boggling that I've made it this far.
I get another ultrasound tomorrow. I'll try not to fail at updating with that. I'm already upset about tomorrow, but I'll post about it after tomorrow, I've been rambling/ranting too long already.

My Baby Shower

Today was my baby shower. It was pretty nice. I have so much stuff to sort through, put away, return, and figure out what I still need that I didn't get though. It's pretty overwhelming, not going to lie. There's just so much. I look at the pile in my room and freak out because I don't know where to start. It will get done I'm sure, and I know my mum will help me out with it, it's just so much, ha.
There are pictures on my mum's camera from the day, I'll post those separately when they're uploaded. Especially the one's of the favors I made and the cake that my dad's coworker made.
It was held at Gala, a small restaurant in downtown Farmington. There were tons of relatives, friends, and family friends there, it was a good crowd.
I wasn't in the highest of spirits or energy throughout the day though, I got maybe 5 hours of sleep and have been zoning out thinking about other unimportant things that I need off of my mind. It's a quarter to one and it's shocking that I'm awake enough to type this. At least I won't need to adjust to little sleep and a bad sleep schedule when Jude gets here, I'm already used to it.
I'm starting to get anxious about the baby being here. It feels like everyone else around me is much more excited for his arrival than I am. It makes me sad and feel awful, but I'm trying, I've been trying since December to get excited. Part of it's my pessimistic attitude towards everything, part of it's my apathy towards everything, part of it's the situation I'm in. I'll probably be thrilled and happy as balls once he's here, but until then I don't expect much excitement coming from me. I know it's going to be hard, and I think that's where my anxiety is coming from, because I'm also realizing that it's so close to happening. I'll be term in 2 weeks. He's due in 5. I feel like there's so much I still need to do to prepare for him, both mentally and with getting all of his stuff together. Mentally preparing myself has been and will probably continue being the hardest part. Like I know this is the most important thing going on in my life right now but I still manage to shove it to the back of my head and think about other frivolous things.
Part of me is still angry about Chris and all that has happened. I fear the impact it will have on Jude. I fear it'll make him hate me and that somehow it's all my fault, even though I know it's not. It's not my fault Chris is immature and irresponsible. Sure, I dumped him, because of those reasons and his stubbornness and the fact that he was unwilling to meet me halfway and make adjustments, but that doesn't mean he has to be a bitter prick about it and do this to Jude. I know I don't have to worry about it for a few years, but I sometimes ponder what will I tell Jude about Chris and why he was not a part of his life. I don't want to lie, but at the same time I don't want to be so bitter about it, which I doubt is possible.
I'll figure this all out. Everything will fall into place. Everything does happen for a reason, right? Do we ever know what that reason is, is it learned over time, or is it always ambiguous?

Obligatory Introductory Post.

Why hello. I'm Kayleigh, 20 years old, and 34 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. His name will be Jude Thomas and he's due August 14th, which is 3 days before my 21st birthday. His favorite musical artist is David Bowie and he likes to Crank That Soulja Boy. He will be sharing a bedroom with me until I can afford to move us out of my parents house. I am currently unemployed, but have recently become a certified pharmacy technician so after I have him, I will be looking for a job in that field.
The person who assisted in creating this lively boy inside of me is no longer in my life which makes this whole thing unideal and depressing for me but I tough it out.
I have an amazing family supporting me and helping me through this.
I'm seeing someone but things on that front are also hectic, and best left to my other blogs.
If you want to know about anything really, don't hesitate to ask, I'm very honest and open and will answer any questions or talk about whatever. I'm here to blog only about Jude growing up and I guess the rest of my pregnancy.
I've had a pretty easy pregnancy, honestly. I didn't get many of the nasty side effects most people complain about. I am huge and do have some crazy nasty stretch marks though.
This weekend coming up is my baby shower. I'm pretty excited about it. My mum is throwing it but I made the invitations and favors by hand all by myself because I'm a fairly crafty person. The favors aren't finished yet, but when they are, I'll be sure to post them and possibly a tutorial.
Here are the invitations I hand made. They were quite simple. The hardest part was making the monkeys because I had to cut all the pieces out of different colored cardstock and glue them all together.